LiveSlow

Friendships

Gift Number Two - Knowing who your friends are!

As I walked away in tears, her accusations ran through my head.  Was any of it true? I wondered. Someone once told me that when someone criticizes you, there's often a grain of truth and it's important to look for it.  And there was some truth to what she was saying; she managed to twist it around and use it as a weapon, but it was there.  

It's funny how when you recall something like this, your heart can start beating faster - mine's beating faster as I type.  

One of her complaints was that I didn't answer her texts.  She's right, I didn't.   I don't carry my phone with me all the time and it was slightly broken.  Because I was getting a new one, it didn't really matter to me and I didn't think to tell her.  Because it's her form of primary communication, it was really important for her to know that.  She'd been sending me texts about the kids but I didn't get them and instead of asking me why I wasn't responding to her, she stored up her anger and socked it to me. It may seem like a petty thing and it appeared ridiculous to me at the time, but now I understand that to her, it felt like rejection.

After I walked away, I reflected on her words and did the smartest thing - I called my friend Terri.  I needed to talk about it with someone who knew me.  Terri's reassured me that I wasn't crazy and helped me put things into perspective.  A friend who knows you - really knows you - is a great blessing.  Leslie, another old friend who knows me, happened to e-mail me and I told her of my struggle.  Her offer to talk things through with me was like putting lip balm on chapped lips! 

My other neighbor, who saw my tears (because she lives across the street from me) also gave me words of encouragement, "What?! She's crazy! What's she talking about?"  So even in my sorrow, I experienced joy and God's comfort.

"A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity."  Proverbs 17:17

 

The 12 gifts of rejection

I don't even know if there ARE twelve gifts of rejection, but as I recount the lessons I've learned, I bet I could make it work.  Anyway, I figured it'd be perfect for the holidays, like the twelve days of Christmas without the eight maids a milkin' and other random gifts you never wanted:)

Gift Number One - Intimacy with God

I met my friend and her husband at our kids' bus stop on a chilly fall morning.  We'd had this weird tension between us and I couldn't figure out why, so clearing up the matter would be good.....I thought. Our sons were best friends and neither one of them understood why she was keeping them apart.  For several days, I'd had a nagging feeling it wasn't gonna go well, but I brushed it off because there was no earthly reason for conflict.

 We shared the usual bus stop small talk and when the kids were gone and we'd walked down the street, I began the conversation.  I was there to talk about making arrangements for them to play (as we'd agreed on in several text messages) but her agenda was different.  She used the opportunity to tell me everything she thought was wrong with my child and with me as a parent.  I was stunned. When I questioned her reasoning and contradicted her words, she yelled, insulted me and told lies about me and my child.  

It was one of the most bizarre experiences I've ever had.  I listened and when I attempted a rebuttal or sought clarification, she screamed louder and accused me of not listening.  It lasted at least ten minutes, but seemed like forever.   In that time, she managed to strike at all the tender parts of my life.  I felt stripped bare.  Her husband tried to calm her down but she was totally out of control and I ended up walking away from the friendship and conversation - bewildered and teary eyed.   

As I prayed to God for understanding, He tenderly pointed out my own form of rejection toward Him:

He'd repeatedly tried to prepare my spirit for this assault, but I brushed it aside as "illogical." 

In my effort to be a "good neighbor" and a "nice person," I'd also glossed over his truth:

"No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit.  Each tree is recognized by its own fruit.  People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers.  The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart.  For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.  Luke 6:43-45

Thornbushes and briers are prickly and when you get tangled up in them, you get hurt!  It was my own fault and I wanted so much to be liked by her, that I ignored obvious signs.  As I write, I'm embarrassed, but I'm going to keep going anyway.  

We were both new to the area and seemed to have so much in common. Our sons were the same age, in the same class, rode the same bus and I was so excited for him to have a friend and neighbor, that I believed everything she told me.  I chose to believe her, even though her actions were contrary to the things she said.  She was cute, perky, extremely snarky and sarcastic.  She struggled to find a church but found  they weren't "spiritual enough" for her.  She was arrogant, spoke badly about her parents and siblings, gossiped and spoke openly about God's desires for her life.  I judged her as a believer based on her words and not on her behavior. 

That came back and bit me in the butt later didn't it!?

It was a necessary lesson and although I cried, I also felt joy.  I felt God's comfort, direction and love in spite of the pain. 

                                     Gift Number 2 comes in the next post.....

 

 

Merry Christmas Reject!

Yes, that's right.  I called you a reject. And I wished you Merry Christmas on top of it!  

In light of the past several months I've come to see myself as a reject too, so don't be offended; I'm just starting to get used to it.  I know it's not very "Christmas-y" to talk about rejection during this time of year but I've been profoundly changed in the last few months.  I've decided that rejection and joy walk hand in hand.  It's a weird concept, I know,  but Jesus has taught me so much about Himself through it.  

How can there be joy in rejection?

If you stop and think about it, Christmas celebrates the birth of our Savior and He was rejected before He was ever born.  His mother Mary was rejected after accepting her mission from the Angel Gabriel.  The angel told her she was highly favored  by God and she believed him and then she was rejected by others who didn't believe.  I'm quite certain Joseph wasn't spared the sting of rejection by people he knew when he decided to marry her anyway.

Yes, joy and rejection can go hand in hand and I'll be talking about it for a time during this holiday season.  My hope is that it will bring you to a deeper understanding of our Lord and at the same time, bring YOU joy.

                 "The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone."  Psalm 118:22

 

Off the Cuff

Ever say something you didn't mean?  You just kind of toss it into the wind and let it fly because it sounds good coming out of your mouth?  I did.  That's why I've been gone for so long.  At the beginning of fall I signed up for a writing course and was supposed to tell my instructor, why I wanted to take it.  I talked about my fear, procrastination and then said, "I'm finally ready to walk the road of rejection." I just threw it out there confidently.

What I meant was.  I was ready to submit my stories and articles and have them rejected by an editor who doesn't know me.  What happened was completely different.  In one of my last posts I wrote about conflict with a couple of neighbors.  I talked about how I knew peace had to start with me.  I knew I was the one who needed to hold out the olive branch.

It didn't go so well.  The olive branch was smacked out of my hand ,so to speak.  It went terribly and I withstood verbal assault and character assassination from a "believer".  Yes, I did just put that into quotes!  

It was a painful and beautiful lesson.  It's a good thing I know my God and know who I am in Christ.