LiveSlow

Romans

"For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God."  Romans 8:13,14

Don't you love it when God lets you actually LIVE out a verse from the Bible?  Don't you love it when He points out your "misdeeds of the body"?  I want you to think I do, but I'd be lying.

I know He had a good chuckle about me last week - kind of a "Check this out!" when I meditated on the verse above during my quiet time.  

"Misdeeds God?"  I innocently asked.  "Do I have misdeeds of the body? I'm pretty certain that with your help, I've cleared those things away."  Hmmm?. I wondered.  "What could that mean for my life?"  I was stumped so I declared myself good to go - on to the next verse.

Then I went on a short vacation to visit some friends. While I was there, my landlord called and gave me the great news that two separate families wanted to see my house immediately so they could potentially rent it.  I was apprehensive, but eager because if I rented it early, I wouldn't have to cover an extra month's rent when I moved to my new place.  My first reaction was to call her and say, "No, I'm not ready." because I wasn't but after all, if I didn't let them in, how was it gonna happen?  The house wasn't filthy, but we'd had a sleepover the night before we left, so it wasn't neatly organized and wouldn't show well.  Then I thought about my pride.  How could I pass up this opportunity?  I just needed to get over caring what people I don't even know thought about me.  It sounded good and Holy to me so I called her back and left a message:

"Go ahead and show them the house."  I said.  "Please apologize to them for the condition and I'm going to pray no one left underwear on the floor."  I was clever and funny and humble. She texted back, "Don't worry, they'll understand, they have kids too!"  

Whew.  What a relief!  I was really proud of myself.  I didn't hear anything more from her, even though she promised to call and let me know how it went.  "Oh well."  I thought, "She's busy, I'll call her when I get back into town."  

We went home a few days later and good news:  I'd left everything in the care of a trusty 8-year old neighbor (with his mom's supervision) and my plants and cats were still alive, which is exactly what I'd paid him for.  As I was unloading the car, I heard my daughter shriek "MOM! OH MY GOD! GROSS!" I went flying up the stairs and into the house as she was running up from the basement.  We'd had visitors in town the week before and because one of them had cat allergies, I put the litter box in the garage.  Apparently I forgot to bring it back in before I left for vacation. Normally my cats stay outdoors and meow if they need to be let out, but since I wasn't there, they were indoors more than normal.   So, the entire lower level was used as one nicely decorated litterbox.    

As the smell and the realization and horror hit me, I did the only logical thing under the circumstances.  I started thinking up ways to blame the 8-year old.  I imagined calling my landlord with my excuse....

"I'm so sorry.  My cat sitter did a terrible job!"

"I had no idea these people weren't taking care of the litter box."

"I gave the responsibility to a young neighbor and he totally dropped the ball.  I'll never do that again!"

My mind spun with the possibilities and then...."Really?  You're going to throw an 8-year old kid under the bus?"  

"Yep. That's the plan.  Whatever.  I won't use his name or anything and besides, he has nothing to lose - no reputation to protect."

And I started to laugh because I knew I couldn't do it.  I mean I could, but I love that little guy, so I wouldn't.  He did his job. I was the one at fault and a double loser if I blamed him.  However, the desire to do so shocked me.  It took me 3 days to make the call to my landlord - I talked to myself about what I would say the entire time but ultimately I just told the truth.  It was my fault. I am still full of misdeeds.

It took me 3 more days to figure out how I would write about this, but there it is:

Hebrews 4:12-13 says - "For the word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight.  Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account."  

I don't know about you, but I'm grateful for a God who lovingly lays bare my misdeeds, gives me the choice and chance to self-correct and then doesn't hold it against me!

  

Pause....and Live Slow

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

 Don't worry, I'm not taking another break from posting, but I wanted to take time to pause, remember and remind everyone what this blog is about.  It's called Live Slow because God showed me long ago that my need for busyness, acceptance and "productivity" had turned into an idol.   I was consumed with the need to perform and prove my worth to my family, friends, co-workers and all the imaginary naysayers in my life. 

Living Slow is about pushing my insecurity aside and deliberately placing God in the number One position in my life.  Ultimately it's about trusting Him for who He is. Being "still" (in the scripture above), doesn't mean inaction or quietness.  The Old Testament Hebrew word "rapa" means - let go.  Be weak.  Being still in this way is some of the hardest work I've ever done!  My flesh fights against being weak and it especially fights against being seen as weak, but I've had to let my pride go in order to understand and live out this scripture.

Already I've seen benefits:  I have feelings of peace and freedom like I've never known before. Unfortunately, I'm not sure what to do with that, so frankly, I'm simply trying to enjoy it!  Maybe that's the whole point, but I'm a slow learner and my tendency to want to "do something" is fighting against it. I feel like freedom comes with responsibility, but again I don't know what the associated action should be. 

I'm also hearing God more clearly than ever and since I've had the time to make Bible study and prayer a priority, I have a greater understanding of it.  This is amazing people!  It's like an entire world has been opened to me.

I know somehow this is the beginning of a new journey or a new life stage.  I'm not sure which, but I encourage you to give weakness a try.  The natural slowing of summertime is the perfect time to practice the art of being still.  Go ahead and try it, you can always blame it on the heat!

Daddy's Girl

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

     God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land."     Psalm 68: 5-6

Writing this post is hard because I miss my dad; I was a daddy's girl.  He died at the age of 42 during the AIDS crisis in 1989.  He was HIV positive and his ravaged immune system couldn't fight the cancer that eventually killed him. I try not to think of him much but when I do, I feel two things - grief and gratitude. The grief has not diminished much with time - he was my everything -  and to some degree, my world revolved around him.  My parents shared joint custody of us, but for a time, he took on the primary responsibility for raising us when my mom was going through difficult circumstances.

I feel gratitude because he was a wonderful and loving father and I was born when he was just 20 years old.  A lot of young men would have abandoned responsibility for having and raising children, but he didn't, even though I was "a surprise".  He loved us to his dying day.

I feel gratitude because, even though I was furious with God for taking him from me, God shared in my grief and still does.  In fact, when I was screaming in anger that last night before the memorial service, God began a process in me that would eventually lead me to Himself.  He didn't abandon me now that I was fatherless. He drew me toward His Son, Jesus Christ, and claimed me as His own child.  

I feel gratitude because God used the grief over my earthly father, to introduce Himself to me as my Heavenly Daddy and I cherish our relationship.  I miss my dad dearly and pray that one day I will see him again in heaven, but I wouldn't change a thing because though I have lost, I have gained even more.                                                         

                     I am still and always will be Daddy's Girl.

Home Base

"For two whole years Paul stayed there in his own rented house and welcomed all who came to see him.  Boldly and without hindrance he preached the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ.                                                                                Acts 28:30-31

I love that little scripture!  As a renter, for the first time since young adulthood, there's something comforting to me within those short passages.  I bet Paul was grateful for that short time of settling and working "without hindrance".  I bet his beat up body desperately needed a break!  

The ironic part about this is that Paul was actually under house arrest during those two years and had a soldier guarding him.  All the while he lived his mission for Christ.  He wrote to the churches (Ephesians, Colossians and Philippians), he preached from this house, he wrote personal letters and mentored men like Timothy, Tychicus, Epaphroditus and Mark. It is said that he witnessed to the entire Roman Guard.  Talk about making lemons out of lemonade!  Talk about focus!

I start moving tomorrow and I'm just grateful to be able to hang some pictures, paint and plant a garden. As I read this scripture, I'm also grateful to not be under guard and since I have freedom and can take my time moving in, I'm going to pray about how I'll use this new place to do His work.  

How inspiring it is to read about Paul's situation and see how God blessed and afforded him even more opportunity to tell people the Good News of Jesus.  How about us?  Do we use our houses, apartments, condos or trailers simply for ourselves?  Do we use them for maximum impact?  What about focus?  As Christians are we focused on our opportunities to love God with all our hearts and then pour that love back out on the people we come in contact with?

Have you ever thought that God may have positioned you in your neighborhood intentionally?

I'm going to do my best to journal this part of my journey - hope something good happens! 

Weapons!

"Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life, and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness."  

I'm reading through the book of Romans very slowly....so slowly, it would be agony for some people.  I'm almost to the point where I'm reading only one or two lines of scripture at a time but I've come to realize that the slower I go, the more I'm able to absorb and apply.  It's like chewing on a hunk of meat that takes a long time to digest.  I'm reading it with a commentary and I particularly enjoyed learning that the Greek word for instrument means "weapon of war."  Chuck Swindoll, this particular commentator explains:

"The Greek word translated "instrument" frequently refers to weapons of war.  We are no longer to present our bodies as weapons to be used by sin to accomplish evil ends, but to become foot soldiers in the interest of righteousness."  

I have to tell you that at first I laughed out loud as I imagined my weak, fluffy body as any sort of weapon. Then, I stopped the self degradation and started believing it.  Why the heck not?  If I compared it to a sword, it's more like one of those plastic Power Ranger ones my son plays with, but it doesn't mean it still can't poke an eye out!  The more I believe, the more energized I become and all of a sudden, I want to whip this fluffy body into a shape that's stronger.  I know this passage refers to righteousness, but I also know that there's a physical and spiritual reality here - it can be easier for me to  justify physical laziness when I'm working so hard on spiritual stuff.

I'm going to chew on this one for awhile....at the very least, it's healthier than the chips I've been snacking on:)

Kids are better than grownups

In his book Wide Awake, Erwin McManus talks about living out the dreams God places in us and says, "Maybe that's why Jesus tells us to come to him like little children.  They have the best imaginations."  Just hang out with kids for a weekend and you know this is true.  Their enthusiasm for living life head on and with a ridiculous amount of energy is equally exhausting and inspiring.  I was thinking about this while shelling on the beach yesterday.  I was quiet and reflective and all of a sudden my son came running up behind me. 

 "Hey mom." he said. (Now that we live in the South, "Hey" has replaced "Hi"). "Watcha doin'?"  he asked.  In addition to exchanging Hey for Hi, we're in danger of droppin' the letter g from our conversations. 

 "Lookin' for interesting things." I said.

"Oh. Cool. I'll help you."

As if I needed help! He stooped down, picked up a piece of broken shell and placed it in my open palm.  I had lots of other goodies in there, and his common, broken shell joined the "special" ones I'd found.  

"You hold your own stuff."  I said.  

He ran away from me because it's much better to collect stuff when you have a mom holder.  We went on like that for several minutes, him picking up bits of broken shells and me hunting for the perfect and unusual ones. We spied a black holey rock at the same time. 

"Oh look."  I said.  "That would make a great ashtray!" and before the sentence was out of my mouth I regretted it - where did THAT come from? He scowled, wrinkled up his nose and yelled "No one smokes!  Anyway, it's not an ashtray, it's lava from a volcano."  I was relieved, impressed and slightly embarrassed by my obvious lack of creativity.  Minutes later, I found an unusual shark tooth with wide flat gums and I triumphantly held it out for him.  

"Do you know what that is?"  he asked.  

"Yeah, it's a shark tooth."  I said.  

"Not a regular shark tooth", he replied.  "it's a Megaladon tooth."  

"Megaladon?"  I said. "Aren't they extinct and isn't this a little small?" 

"Yeah, people think they're extinct but there's one left.  A baby and YOU found the first tooth it lost!"  He shouted.

I started to like this game - he was so animated - and instead of squashing the imagination I joined in.  

"Wow, that's really lucky!"  I said.

His reply?  "No. YOU are really special."  

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And that's why kids are better than grownups. 

   

Life Verse

Do you have a life verse?  A verse that seems like God wrote it just for you because it's so filled with meaning?  Mine came to me several years ago.  I remember the day....it was cold and I was sitting in front of the fire with my Bible and a delicious cup of hot coffee.  I was praying and reading and a scripture just jumped off the page; I felt like it was highlighted, but it wasn't. Here it is from "The Message" Bible - 

I've been living the first part (Isaiah 58:11) for the past few years:

      If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people's sins,

     If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,

    Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.

    I will always show you where to go.  I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places - 

    firm muscles, strong bones.  You'll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that

    never runs dry.

I've been living that part, except for the firm muscles and strong bones - I need those now more than ever!

I firmly believe the second half of my life will be based on the next part of that scripture (Isaiah 58:12)

    You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your 

       past.

    You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,

        make the community livable again.

I think about my family, my neighborhood, my city and the world.  I meditate on Christ's redemptive power and how I long for these verses to be made real in my life.  You see, The Bible tells us that God delights in the desires of our hearts when they match up with His (Psalm 37:4).  I hope you see Him working His word through your life!

Walk around the block

"All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them.  And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us."  2 Cor 5:20

In a recent post "Jesus, walking around", which I wrote in the middle of the night, I mentioned praying about what it would really mean to love my neighbors.  I woke up that morning with a surprising level of energy despite the lack of sleep and before the day was over, I decided to take a walk and actually count the houses.  There are 35 houses, some empty.  I had company coming for Memorial Weekend and hadn't posted since last night, but let me tell you - that middle of the night episode is expanding and connects directly to yesterday's post.

I went outside to call my son in to do homework and found him playing in my neighbor, Ashley's* yard with 4 little girls.  Two belong to Ashley*, one was their friend and Ashley pointed to the other and said, "Have you met our new little friend?"  I told her I hadn't and at that moment, a stunning little curly haired girl came over to pet my dog. I talked with her for a bit and when she left, Ashley* said, "Isn't she beautiful?"  "Yeah she is." I said.  "She has two fathers Erika." and at the "two" her eyebrows went up and so did her voice, just as I understood what she was trying to tell me.  She said, "Now how do I explain that one to my girls?"  My reply?  "Actually, you're talking to the right person about this."  

We took a walk around the block and I shared my story. I'll spare you the details except to say that my neighbor is a picture of God's grace for me.  She didn't even blink when I shared the story of my father's homosexuality and the fact that I too, had "two dads" growing up.  Now, if you know me and you didn't know this - I'm really, really, sorry you heard it here.  In any case, understand that it reflects the glory of God even more. I'm writing a book about it so you were going to find out eventually.

Last night I stood in wonder and in awe of God and I still am.  If you don't believe that He redeems your life and takes all of it's beauty, sorrow and shame and uses it to glorify Himself, you'd better start.  I prayed all night for this little girl, her two fathers and thanked God He placed them in my neighborhood.  For most of my life, I was unloved by Christian people who were aware of my situation but didn't want anything to do with me. How glorious it is to be able to love this little girl in a way I wasn't.  I've always wondered, "Was anyone praying for me when I was a kid?"  I'm not going to let these new neighbors leave this neighborhood without them experiencing the love of Christ and that little girl will not have to wonder if anyone was praying for her because she'll KNOW.

  

Holy Cow!

I say, "Holy Cow!" a lot.  Sometimes I say, "Holy Mike!" and I have no idea why. Maybe I watched too much Batman and Robin as a kid - Robin was always saying, "Holy_____Batman!" you can fill in the blank.  Anyway, tonight was a "Holy Cow!" kind of night and then I realized, not "cow" God. "Holy God!"  

The day was ordinary enough.  It was raining, I felt blah and discouraged and didn't want to be because I was meeting a friend for coffee.  She cheered me up - just by her presence - and when I left the coffee shop the sun was shining.  Then everything got blah again and I started to feel terrible.  I mean, I thought I was going to faint, I felt so weak and sick and weird that I thought I should lay down before I fell down.  Of course I didn't though because I figured it was a penalty for drinking too much coffee and I was experiencing a major crash - served me right! (all of a sudden, I'm experiencing coffee guilt).  Now I think it was something else, someONE else who wanted me to just lay down, go to sleep and not meet a very special new neighbor.

I'll tell you about that tomorrow just as soon as I take my daughter to the Urgent Care clinic because it just wouldn't be a normal week in our house without a trip to Urgent Care..... 7 weeks in a row.  sigh.