Daddy's Girl

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

     God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land."     Psalm 68: 5-6

Writing this post is hard because I miss my dad; I was a daddy's girl.  He died at the age of 42 during the AIDS crisis in 1989.  He was HIV positive and his ravaged immune system couldn't fight the cancer that eventually killed him. I try not to think of him much but when I do, I feel two things - grief and gratitude. The grief has not diminished much with time - he was my everything -  and to some degree, my world revolved around him.  My parents shared joint custody of us, but for a time, he took on the primary responsibility for raising us when my mom was going through difficult circumstances.

I feel gratitude because he was a wonderful and loving father and I was born when he was just 20 years old.  A lot of young men would have abandoned responsibility for having and raising children, but he didn't, even though I was "a surprise".  He loved us to his dying day.

I feel gratitude because, even though I was furious with God for taking him from me, God shared in my grief and still does.  In fact, when I was screaming in anger that last night before the memorial service, God began a process in me that would eventually lead me to Himself.  He didn't abandon me now that I was fatherless. He drew me toward His Son, Jesus Christ, and claimed me as His own child.  

I feel gratitude because God used the grief over my earthly father, to introduce Himself to me as my Heavenly Daddy and I cherish our relationship.  I miss my dad dearly and pray that one day I will see him again in heaven, but I wouldn't change a thing because though I have lost, I have gained even more.                                                         

                     I am still and always will be Daddy's Girl.

Comments

[Leslie]

I was a daddy's girl too, but now it has been 22 years. I try not to think of my dad much either, but lately he comes to mind more and more. The other day the kids were asking me to tell stories of when I was young, and after a few tales Kristen said, "do you miss Ralph?" I had to pause for a minute, she always asks such insightful questions, and I said, "yes, sometimes I do".

This post made me think about what I would do-will do-if I ever get the call saying that my dad passed away. God has changed me through losing my dad as well - forgiving him for all he did was a huge turning point in my life. He truly uses all things for the good...So, I guess I just wonder what the end of this story is.

[Erika]

Thanks for sharing Leslie. I guess you and God still get to decide on your story ending.