LiveSlow

Favor

"Oh Lord, I beseech You, may Your ear be attentive to the prayer of Your servant and the prayer of Your servants who delight to revere your name, and make Your servant successful today and grant him compassion before this man."  Now I was the cupbearer to the king.  Nehemiah 1:11

So I've been praying that prayer..."Lord grant me favor in her eyes."  She's not a king and I'm not a cupbearer but she's still got the power so say, "No, you're not the one I want as a tenant."  That's A-ok with me!  It's odd, being in this situation, where you stand before someone you don't know and essentially say, "Pick me! Pick me!  I'm a good person, I'll take care of your home."  It's not out of the ordinary for some people, but it is for me because it represents a choice.  The choice to let go...."Be still and know that I am God." or take the other path, which feels better and says, "I'm in control.  I'll do what I want and go where I want.  I'll move to that neighborhood and plant myself there comfortably."  I've decided to let go and know that He is God.  

I've forsaken the right of homeownership here (for now) and no small measure of comfort because I want to see what He's doing come to fruition.  Is this by my own choice?  Yes and no.  There's no doubt, that He's working something supernatural here, literally leading the way and I have a choice not to follow, but it's so amazing to watch that frankly, I'm more afraid that if I don't follow, I'm going to miss something. However, I have desires as well; desire for security, my own place, a measure of stability and something to really call mine.  But He's also working something new in me.  Something that challenges me not to have to own or consume and I struggle with that because it'd be so much easier.  I'm not intentionally trying to be cryptic - the essence is this:

I've been praying for a new house to live in because of the situation with this one.  I can stay here longer, or I can buy property virtually anywhere - loads of great deals right now.  However, I've been offered the opportunity to live in a place which is EXACTLY what I'm looking for, that was just offered up to me "out of the blue". It also happens to be a floor plan that's actually livable for us - beach houses aren't "residential". It's over 1,000 square feet more and for less money. Also, I wouldn't own it, so if it blows away in a storm, I'm not invested. I think that's an offering.  There is one catch, and that's the missionary aspect of the move.  Without providing details (because I can't figure out how anyway right now), it will be more logistically comfortable but far less comfortable relationally, mentally and probably emotionally.  There are issues with some of the neighbors - more on that later.

What's the big deal about a house?  Nothing, but just like this one, it literally found me and I think God wants to build(?) something new there.  Please keep praying and I'll keep posting.  I'm supposed to hear something next week about whether we're moving there or not.  Even if this post is just a big flop and it doesn't work out, I'm grateful to have you all to share the journey with me.  ALL glory goes to God and our Lord Jesus Christ!

Go?

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money."  Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.  What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.  As it is, you boast and brag.  All such boasting is evil.  Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."  James 4:13-17

Dear friends,

I'd like to ask you to pray for me.  I don't usually use this blog as a personal place to request prayers but in case you read this, I'd appreciate yours and I thought, "Why not ask?"  I've been praying about doing something I don't necessarily want to do.  I think God is moving me again, and sooner than I thought, although not far away.  I don't know for sure, so I don't want to talk about it yet, but I've been praying and He's been answering.  I should know something by next week and if I do, it will be the closest thing to missionary work that I've ever done.  Here's my struggle:

God has been very good to me this past year.  I've regained much of the strength and health I'd lost in the past few years and I'm feeling ready to minister relationally again.  However, I've got no experience with the type of people I'll be living near.....at least I think I don't.  In my prayers I've been saying, "If this is it, then send me, but if it's not, please destroy the opportunity."  Part of me wants to go, for a variety of reasons and part of my just wants to stay longer in my comfortable place - my Jerusalem.  I'd love to share and hopefully soon I will, but in the meantime would you just pray? 

Quilt Lessons

Well, we did it - it's done!  Kind of.  We worked hard all week, staying up late - bent over and on our hands and knees.  At 11:30 on Thursday night, it was finally sewn together - all but the stars.  Note:  If you're ever trying to make a project you want to keep, don't use the cheapest fabric.  Our fabric unraveled so fast after washing that I was afraid it would disappear before we could turn it in.  We couldn't even sew the stars on because every time the needle went in, the fabric would fray.  Friday morning had me standing in the middle of Walmart saying, "Please, God, please let there be fabric glue here....YES!  Thank you!".  A while later I was in the school parking lot, hanging out of the back of my truck (in the rain), hand glueing stars on.  Who knew this silly little school project would be full of life lessons!  Here's what I learned:  photo follows - 

1.   Arguing causes delays, wasted time and yields unsatisfactory results.

2.   Counting the cost:  financially, physically (to you and people you'll rely on),  and logistically is key to any successful endeavor.

3.   I will never, never, try to sew stripes again - however, God answers even the most insignificant prayers when you cry out to Him.

4.   God will answer seemingly unrelated prayers through whichever method He chooses - like a school project - and you'll have no idea until He unites them together and blows your mind.

5.   Contempt and compassion are often linked together:  Beware of the things you hold in contempt because they're often linked to people.  Contempt for the thing creates a lack of compassion for the people.

6.   Quilting properly is a slow and therefore, enjoyable process - "Extreme Quilting" is neither!

7.   Sometimes the end result is not what you'd expect......check out our...........

 Flag.   (Over 150 pieces sewn together by people who can't sew - Praise God it's done.)

It turned out to be a flag because when I got past the piecing and read on to the actual quilting part (at least 4 more steps) I cried.  I also thought about finishing it but honestly, I never care if I see it again, I'll just fold it up and save it for Miss Sassy.  I will say however, that it may not end up being the last quilt thing I do, but I don't know for sure. 

 I'm fascinated by the fact that for centuries, women of all kinds, collaborated on these blankets for so many reasons and they did it all by hand.  Quilts were handmade and given as inspiration, gifts of admiration, love, healing, and warmth. It inspires me to throw off some of my modern conveniences for the reward of learning and growing through challenge and the simple joy of sharing.

Pieces

 

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."  1 Cor. 13:12

Making the quilt reinforced what I already know; life's not always bitter and not always sweet, but a mixture of both.  The pieces of fabric lying on my floor are a fragmented picture of the final product and God I hope it looks like a quilt, but only time will tell.  The problem with the project is that we don't know how to quilt and now I see that Miss Sassy thinks it's just a blanket, but it's not.  It's more like sandwich made with 150 parts and it's easier if you know what you're doing.  Since we don't, all we can do is push forward in hope.    

She started this project because last year, a teacher inspired her.  This teacher, Sue, and her class made a quilt but each student made just one block and Sue joined it together.  I admired Miss Sassy's ambition even though I knew she didn't fully understand and I agreed to support her because it was "hard stuff". After several blowouts and delays we finally got a rhythm going and her attitude drastically improved when we decided to work as a team. When a technique was too difficult for her to grasp, she stepped in and took on my work around the house until she could start again. We learned to accept one another's different work styles.  I gave in to her sewing with the Ipod earbuds blasting but not with the phone because you really CANNOT quilt and text at the same time.  She got used to my constant instruction and demand for respect and learned to not bite the hand that fed her.  Our side-by-side conversations were enlightening and we laughed a lot, and together, yelled at our pets.  The dog and cat were quilt captivated and, after repeatedly rolling around on it, almost lost their lives in the process.   

Midway through the endeavor we got a call from my mom who was on her way to my aunt's house.  My 98 year old grandmother lives with her and my mom was going to help care for her over the weekend.  My aunt's brother-in-law had passed away suddenly.  He'd gone swimming at the hotel during a visit to meet his newborn grandchild.  When he didn't come back, his wife went to check on him and found him alone, face down in the pool.  I had to ask my aunt, "Did he get to see the baby?" "Yes, they had a wonderful visit and took tons of pictures with grandpa."    Sweet.

When we were almost finished, I got a message on my phone from a friend.  She was calling to tell me about our friend, and Miss Sassy's teacher, Sue.  She wondered if I'd heard the news. My heart sunk.  Sue's daughter, pregnant with her second child, died during childbirth.  We'd visited Sue just weeks before and she was beaming - waiting to leave to help her daughter with the new baby.  Bitter.  Did the baby survive?  "Yes, the baby is fine." 

Just days before I'd whined and complained about the time I had to spend on the quilt.  My daughter's project, but my precious time. And God reminds me that life unravels in a moment, and any time I can spend with people I love is sweet. 

   

  

Civil War

I'm pretty sure God is laughing at me.  Not in a mocking sort of way, just a "Be careful what you pray for" kind of way.  

Miss Sassy has a favorite teacher; he's a slightly scary and tough Social Studies teacher who challenges the kids in his class.  Here's a mental snapshot of when I first met him on Orientation Day:

I noticed "Mr. X" immediately because he appeared out of place among the nervous 8th graders and well dressed parents.  He commanded the small crowd around him, but scruffy faced, dressed in a t-shirt, cargo shorts and flip flops, was sitting casually on top of a student desk.  His big legs were dangling off the desk and they were completely covered with superhero tattoos; Superman, Iron Man, Batman - it was hard not to stare.  He was barking instructions: "In this class, I teach High School level work.  I understand you're in Middle School but I don't care.  By the time you leave my class, you'll be prepared for the High School level. Parents: I give homework every night.  If your child tells you he has no homework, he's lying."   I stayed near the back of the room.

To say he's intimidating is an understatement, but there's something about him that makes his students want to go above and beyond.  My daughter's afraid of him but loves him at the same time and comes home every day with a "Mr. X" story.  For instance today......"Oh, it was so funny.  Mr. X threw a kids shoe out the window; it was okay though 'cuz it landed on the roof and the kid could just go out and get it." 

He frequently keeps the class in order by letting them know that he " didn't take his medication."  He's a veteran who regales them with war stories and missions and personally I think he's an ex-Navy seal (said he swam a lot), but I wouldn't ask because he'd probably have to kill me.

Back to me and God laughing:  A short while ago, I was thinking about my kids - I was thinking negatively by the way - and how they don't really appreciate a challenge.  They never choose to do difficult things and I started to worry about them choosing the path of least resistance for their futures.  I prayed about how I could parent them differently.  Enter Miss Sassy:  She came home from school a few weeks ago and said,  "I'm so proud of myself!"  "Why?", I asked.  "We have to do a "Do It Yourself project based on the Civil War for Mr. X's class and I picked the best thing.  It wasn't even on the project list and Mr. X was so impressed that he said if I actually did it I'd get an A!"  I was excited for her excitement.  "Well, what's the project?"  I asked.  "A quilt!" she beamed.  "I'm going to make a Civil War quilt!"  It's due in 5 days. She was given 3 weeks but we were on vacation for part of it and have spent the rest of the time trying to get a clue as to how we're supposed to pull this off and then fighting about it.

Forgive me for not posting.  I recognized this as an opportunity to support my daughter in a difficult endeavor and it has caused a Civil War of sorts in our home. I'll post more about my bad attitude later and what God's teaching me through this.

 

Shallow Things

"Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Cor. 10:31)

I had another terribly sleepless night last night.  A vicious storm rolled in right about 2:00 a.m. and it sounded like my roof was gonna come off.  We were all awake and it took a long time for it to subside; long enough for my seven-year-old son, "Spike", to ask, "If this keeps up, do we have to go to school tomorrow?"  Nice try buddy.  Incidentally, Spike doesn't like his real name and decided when he was 5 that he wanted to change it......he wanted me to call him Homer.  I suggested that he changed it to Spike, a real tough guy's name.  Thank God he agreed.

Anyway, I was annoyed about the the lack of sleep,  but also a little bit excited for the next day.  I prayed, "Lord, please let me go back to sleep and give me your energy for tomorrow."  One of my favorite things to do is to explore the beach after a good storm.  The ocean vomits up some really cool stuff.  As soon as I got the kids on their buses, I headed over - practically in my pjs - to see what I could find. There I was, hunched over against the wind and rain, looking for treasure.  It was just me, a crowd of guys surfing, and an old man with a metal detector.  All senses were fully engaged and I felt energetic, alive and frankly, a little nutty.  The guy with the metal detector was clearly missing out, his earphones were drowning out the sound of wind and waves.  I didn't even have equipment but I found something he'd have put in the bag he was carrying; treasure.  In my mind anyway....

Those two shiny things on the left are World War II artillery shells.  In the 1940's they used the ocean as a training ground for anti aircraft operations; our beautiful ocean.  I'm astounded that 70-year-old bullets and the teeth of sea creatures are lying around for a goofball like me.  I felt giddy, grateful and oddly guilty that I was having so much fun when God reminded me:

Even the ocean has a shore.

My favorite devotional in Oswald Chamber's book, My Utmost For His Highest, is the one for November 22nd, entitled, "Shallow and Profound". Here are 2 sections:

"Beware of allowing yourself to think that the shallow aspects of life are not ordained by God; they are ordained by Him equally as much as the profound.  We sometimes refuse to be shallow, not out of our deep devotion to God but because we wish to impress other people with the fact that we are not shallow. This is a sure sign of spiritual pride."   

                     and....

"To be shallow is not a sign of being sinful, nor is shallowness an indication that there is no depth to your life at all - the ocean has a shore.  Even the shallow things of life, such as eating and drinking, walking and talking, are ordained by God.  These are all things our Lord did.  He did them as the Son of God, and He said, "A disciple is not above his teacher...."(Matthew 10:24)

I don't feel like Eeyore anymore - I think God knew I needed some shallow - and a quick treasure hunt.  What about you? What are your "shallow things"?

Eeyore

"One morning in spring, when the birds were chirping and the daisies were smiling everywhere, Eeyore woke up with a black cloud hovering over him."  

 

 I feel like Eeyore - sometimes.  I have to add "sometimes" because for the most part I'm filled with joy and gratitude, but lately I'm Eeyore.  I read my son a bedtime story tonight and the quote above was on the first page; I can relate.  A combination of unintentional sleep deprivation and too much human contact is making me cranky.  I was explaining this to my friend Terri the other day, and she was struggling with exactly the opposite.  Too much alone time was making her wacko, so she packed up one of her kids and went to see the cherry blossoms in DC, along with a 100,000 other folks.  She reveled in the crowded Metro trains and city jam packed with people.....who all wanted to look at trees by the way.  I understand the tree thing - I'm a total tree hugger, but with tons of other people?  No thanks.  It sounded like a nightmare to me but she said, "No, I loved it! I love talking with people, I need to use all my words!" She made me laugh out loud.... spoken like a true extrovert.  

I needed the exact opposite so I spent the entire next day by myself, trying to use as few words as possible.  I retreated to a local garden and walked, and sat, and avoided people as best as I could.  Just me and the trees, flowers and a lonely snake.  It was lovely, but not long enough.  Since it was the day after Easter, I was still reflecting on Jesus' life and could see why He retreated from the crowds to the solitude of a garden or mountain or wherever He could get away for peace and prayer. 

 Isn't it funny that God planted Adam in a garden and a garden is where Jesus went to spend the last minutes before His arrest?  There's something soothing about it I guess.  Anyway, I won't stay like Eeyore forever, by the end of the story his drizzly black cloud produces a rainbow.  Off to sleep now!

 

 

 

The heart of a child

"And he said: I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."  Jesus                                                                         Matthew 18:3-4

 The Gospel (good news) of Christ is so simple.  God sent His son Jesus to die for us so that we could be forgiven for all the bad things we do (sin) and live in relationship with Him.  

If it's hard to believe that you sin, just listen to yourself sometime.  Listen to yourself in traffic, in an argument with an ex-spouse, when you've been unfairly accused or passed over for a well-deserved promotion. I struggled with the word "sin" even when I was starting to believe and follow Jesus, and when I really started listening to myself, I changed my mind. I was a sinner and still am.

 I struggled with the belief that there could only be ONE WAY to a relationship with God, but when I started to think about it, one way was the only thing that made sense to me.  Why would a loving God confuse us with a menu of paths or other Gods?  I don't have a menu of parents or kids to pick from - I just have one set and they're the set He decided would be best for me. I agree and love them. Why would a loving God pick one way for one person and another for someone else?  I can believe in a God who made a simple way for everyone. 

 Believe with your heart and speak it with your mouth - I believe.  Everyone has a heart, everyone has a mouth and everyone has a brain to help make right and wrong decisions. Even the poorest child on the banks of a sweltering African riverbank is equipped with those things, and if you're worried about her.....she already believes because she's not messed up by the abundance of misinformation.  She already knows that Jesus loves her, she'll live a life of worship and when it's her time to pass away, will be with her Dad in heaven.  Will you still be arguing about the "one way"?

Here's something my son wrote when he was 5 - I found it when I was cleaning out old boxes and I'll never throw it away:  The translation is below the picture:)

"My God He is up in heaven. The best in the world.  Jesus is with God.  I love God.  I love Jesus in God. He is dad in heaven.  He has a dog."

The little picture in the middle is of him and Jesus on a cloud in heaven.  He gets it.  

Tomorrow followers of Jesus around the world will celebrate the beauty and mystery of the resurrection of the One who saved us.  He chose to go to the cross.  He chose to die like a criminal even though He did nothing wrong.  He did this because He loves us, but the best part is that He didn't just die.  Three days later He rose from the dead and sits at God's right hand in heaven.  He's ALIVE and that's why we celebrate.

Flying toward fear

Imagination is a gift of God.  Sometimes that gift can run away from us, disrupt our logical sensibilities and grow legs. Sometimes it becomes a monster in the closet, a ghost in the attic, or, in my case, the alligator under my bed.  Yep.  When I was a child, the alligator under my bed was my worst nightmare. At bedtime most kids ask their parents to shut a closet door or leave a nightlight on, but I made my mom check under the bed for gators.  It didn't matter that we lived in Maryland, irrational fear doesn't have to make sense.  Lyle The Crocodile was a daytime friend living in the pages of my books, but at night he and his scaly pals came alive to terrify me.  My fear of these hideous prehistoric creatures has grown so great over the years that all I have to do is look at one on tv and I start to feel nauseous.  It was really inconvenient to find out they live in the canal next to my home.  Lately I've been getting irritated about it because I want to kayak in the local waterways but I'm too afraid.   

So, imagine my surprise last month when my husband decided that we needed to take an airboat ride through the Everglades for Spring Break.  Imagine the conversations we had after he said it. Seriously.  No one NEEDS to airboat in the Everglades, but he was completely determined it was something we had to do with the kids.

I shouldn't be surprised that God would challenge me in this way.  I'd been internally bragging about successfully knocking out my fears, but this was a biggie.  I prayed about it and figured God was providing another fear busting opportunity and the adventure I'd been craving.  In my quest to be more like Jesus, I decided to run toward fear instead of running away.  Check it out!

This is at a rest stop on the way to the airboats and that is a totally fake smile on my face, I'm really saying, "Hurry up and take the freaking picture!  Is it still behind me?"

The captain offered to let me sit up top with him so I did and I stayed in that position for the entire two hours at top speeds.  Now I know what "clinging to the edge of your seat means."  I wonder if he heard me chanting, "JesusiswithmeJesusiswithmeJesusiswithme..."

Meet Sally.  Captain Good Ol' Boy plays with her every day and clearly they had some kind of relationship because I swear the thing was flirting with him. At one point I found myself thinking, "Oh, this is so cute!" and then I smacked myself back into reality.  

 This snaggletoothed guy is called "Old Man"; he got in a fight with another male gator, that's why his teeth are jacked up.  He's over 10 feet long and yes, that's his head RESTING on our boat.  I was happy to be up top but wasn't so happy that he was close to my family - he does have the ability to climb on board but Captain said he wouldn't want to.  I'm not even joking, this guy caused my stomach to turn - the gator not the captain.

Me trying not to have a heart attack.  Old Man is still hanging around and Old Lady had just swum out of her hideout to see what the fuss was about.  She was hissing at us!  Maybe she was hissing at Old Man but I was done for the day.  I think they had a gang.

 See ya later alligator!  Sorry, I couldn't help myself - it had to be done.

There's something very cool about facing a fear like this head on, especially a childhood one.  Am I still afraid?  Yes, but far less so.  I have a healthy respect for them now as opposed to terror and repulsion.  I can view them as part of God's creation and a necessary and integral part of the Everglades ecology. Thanks for the experience God!