"Oh Lord, I beseech You, may Your ear be attentive to the prayer of Your servant and the prayer of Your servants who delight to revere your name, and make Your servant successful today and grant him compassion before this man." Now I was the cupbearer to the king. Nehemiah 1:11
So I've been praying that prayer..."Lord grant me favor in her eyes." She's not a king and I'm not a cupbearer but she's still got the power so say, "No, you're not the one I want as a tenant." That's A-ok with me! It's odd, being in this situation, where you stand before someone you don't know and essentially say, "Pick me! Pick me! I'm a good person, I'll take care of your home." It's not out of the ordinary for some people, but it is for me because it represents a choice. The choice to let go...."Be still and know that I am God." or take the other path, which feels better and says, "I'm in control. I'll do what I want and go where I want. I'll move to that neighborhood and plant myself there comfortably." I've decided to let go and know that He is God.
I've forsaken the right of homeownership here (for now) and no small measure of comfort because I want to see what He's doing come to fruition. Is this by my own choice? Yes and no. There's no doubt, that He's working something supernatural here, literally leading the way and I have a choice not to follow, but it's so amazing to watch that frankly, I'm more afraid that if I don't follow, I'm going to miss something. However, I have desires as well; desire for security, my own place, a measure of stability and something to really call mine. But He's also working something new in me. Something that challenges me not to have to own or consume and I struggle with that because it'd be so much easier. I'm not intentionally trying to be cryptic - the essence is this:
I've been praying for a new house to live in because of the situation with this one. I can stay here longer, or I can buy property virtually anywhere - loads of great deals right now. However, I've been offered the opportunity to live in a place which is EXACTLY what I'm looking for, that was just offered up to me "out of the blue". It also happens to be a floor plan that's actually livable for us - beach houses aren't "residential". It's over 1,000 square feet more and for less money. Also, I wouldn't own it, so if it blows away in a storm, I'm not invested. I think that's an offering. There is one catch, and that's the missionary aspect of the move. Without providing details (because I can't figure out how anyway right now), it will be more logistically comfortable but far less comfortable relationally, mentally and probably emotionally. There are issues with some of the neighbors - more on that later.
What's the big deal about a house? Nothing, but just like this one, it literally found me and I think God wants to build(?) something new there. Please keep praying and I'll keep posting. I'm supposed to hear something next week about whether we're moving there or not. Even if this post is just a big flop and it doesn't work out, I'm grateful to have you all to share the journey with me. ALL glory goes to God and our Lord Jesus Christ!
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